Psalm 139:11-12 “I could ask the darkness to hide me, and all the light around me to become night, but even in the darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day, darkness and light are the same to you”
I don’t know about you, but growing up, I was TERRIFIED of the dark. No joke, I slept with a lamp until I was about 15. There was just something about not being able to see everything that was in my room at night time, when I was asleep and most vulnerable. And then you hear stories about the bogie man, bloody Mary and bedbugs. (Quick rant about bedbugs, parents if you are reading this, DO NOT kiss your children goodnight with the phrase ‘don’t let the bed bugs bite’, there is not a more terrifying thought to a 6 year old about to drift off into the land of dreams than being consumed alive by BUGS that live in their bed. WHOSE idea was this?!) I hated everything about bedtime, I was alone, it was dark and I had no control of what came in, or out of my room while I was asleep. Horrific.
But I have come to discover that as we get older and wiser, we become less afraid of the dark that we can see, and more afraid of the dark that we can’t. And that dark is in the most hidden places of our beings. A place where nobody goes just us, only we know what is in there and how it got there. The hidden struggles that we have, the horrific memories. All the things that we try so desperately to conceal and inhibit from leaching out into the reality we have created for others to see. We get so accustomed to this inner darkness, over time, it becomes only too easy to pretend it’s not there.
But this scripture, found in Psalm 139 gives me SO much hope. Because for a long time, I hid in my darkness. I hid from God and his unmatchable purity and light. I lived for years so terrified that if I let light in, what I had spent a lifetime hiding in the darkest places of my life would be exposed. But then I read this scripture:
“I could ask the darkness to hide me, and all the light around me to become night, but even in the darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day, darkness and light are the same to you”
Wow. This says in no uncertain terms that to God, there is no such thing as dark. He see’s everything, and to Him, even my darkest places, the night of my life, is as light to Him as day. My mind is still blown about that. So you mean to tell me all the energy I had been using to hide my dark from God, I can save now because He already see’s my most hidden places and loves me anyway? Absolutely. That God was with me through everything, every time I was hurt, every time I felt pain, every time I went through anything that made my dark a little darker? Yep. You’re saying that my dark, never really was dark to God in the first place? Right again.
God is not scared of the dark, he’s not scared of YOUR dark. He loved you while you were in it, He loves you if your still in it, and you bet He will love you when you’re out of it.