December 26, 2016




Psalm 147:3 – He heals the broken-hearted, he bandages up their wounds.


This post is going to be a little different. As I’m sitting here, I’m trying to figure out a Witty introduction, something that I now feel will take away from the depth of this post. So, I’m not going to do that. Because this is real life, it’s not all clouds and dandelions.


Lying in bed just over two months ago, crying my eyes out of tears. I found myself back fighting a battle I thought I had won. It’s hard to explain how crippling that is, but I know some of you will understand. To pray for so long, for something to be taken away, to pray for strength to deal with something that has overwhelmed you for so long. To live in the freedom, you thought you could never have, and then without warning there it is, staring you in the face.


Facing the fear that you’ll have to start the battle again, dealing with the ideology that maybe it’s just what you deserve. But worse? Is the sickening feeling that it’s your fault, and you’re just not good enough to fight, or to be fought for.


In that moment, two months ago, burning eyes and a broken heart. These words began to circulate, and so I wrote down what I could comprehend.


I have called this post ‘Letters’ because I believe I was written a letter at my lowest by the only one with the strength to lift me up. He wrote it for me. And I believe wholeheartedly this is exactly how this wonderful, merciful, everlasting father feels about you too.



“There's is no regret in anything I have done for you. I haven't changed my mind. I loved you then and I love you now. I love you just as much now as I did the second you came into existence. I have separated the things you have done as far as the east is from the west. I do not regret coming for you. If it was you alone I would have come down. I would have given everything to be with you. I don't see dark when I look at you. The shame you see all over yourself isn't there. I don't see it. The chains that you're carrying around aren't anywhere near you. They don't hold you anymore. You haven't gone back. You're moving forward and that's why you're so scared. But it's okay because I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, I want to love you. I don't love you because I have to, I love you because I look at you and see perfection. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to try. You're full of light, you're incredible. I look at you in awe. When you feel most alone is when I'm holding you tightest. I have never left you. Even when you think you deserve to be left. You feel that way because others have left you over a lot less. You do not deserve to be left, say that again. You do not deserve to be left. You must stop walking around feeling that everyone who has ever left you is justified. They're not. They just didn't know how to love you. But I do, so I need you to let me because I love you. I loved you before you were here and I'll never stop. This is a promise I have given you and I mean it. I will never stop loving you. I will not disappear. I will not go away. My light will be with you for the rest of your life. Until we meet, until your face sees mine, I'll be with you. Loving you with every step you take. This is my promise to you. You're worth it. Don't settle, stay with me, I will not leave you. I will not leave you. There is nothing you could do that would make me leave you. Or even want to. You have never and could never do anything that will make me question my love for you, my love for you has the inability to fade. This is my promise to you.”




I love you.



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© 2019 by Deborah Newbould for Agape Generation UK.