The Call.

April 1, 2018




It started in the dark, it always does.


An incomprehensible mass epitomising an emptiness that perfectly articulates what it is to be without you. What I was without you.


I was empty.


But what's crazy? As you were giving nothingness its formation I was on your mind. Me.


As you were speaking worlds into existence I was occupying your thoughts. You were breathing over oceans and speaking into skies, all the while designing my every characteristic, you were deliberate.


You planned it out, it was elaborate. Your plot to drag me out of a darkness I didn't know I would be in, to love me out of a prison I hadn't been sentenced to yet. It was all there.


You spoke to me and I had no choice but to look up. To look away from the darkness in which I had taken a comfortable residence.


You called me out, you told me to walk towards you. Into the light that you always designed me to walk in. But it was blinding, how could I ever walk in a light so bright? How could you ask me to walk through illumination that would highlight every crack, every bruise, every scar.


You called me to walk out and I was convinced I couldn't.


However, I'm realising now that I've never walked anywhere you haven't been first, and I've never gone without you.


You live, you're alive in me. I have hope for a life because of you.


I was completely empty, but you had that covered too because so was the tomb.


Nothing could hold you, my sin couldn't hold you on that cross, and death couldn't hold you in that grave.


You refused to be held so you could hold on to me. Hold me close to you and remind me that you went to war for me. 


You split the sea for me, you walked in the wilderness for Me, you breached the barrier between paradise and hell for me. 


From the very beginning, from the foundation, it was you me and your word. You spoke over me and it can't be revoked. 


There's no darkness I could walk through, no hell I could settle in, no devil I could dance with, no dungeon I could dine in, that your voice couldn't call me out of. 


Because your love is greater. It's greater than me, and my sin. Your loves speaks to parts of me that have been dead longer than they were alive. 


In the presence of your unstoppable love, death had to bow down, decisions I have made that have tortured me had to call it quits because your love refused to. You refused to quit on me, you would not give up. 


But you did give up your son. As leverage for a debt I could never afford. One that has now been paid in full. 


So I dare you death to try and separate me from the love of an unstoppable father. I dare you to go up against the one who stops the sun for the one that he loves. 


Go on, try, go up against the one who is his OWN army. The one who got in the ring with death and WON.


You can try, but I'll walk through waters that were supposed to take me out on dry ground and not leave any tracks. I'll sit in a den of lions and WATCH them sleep. Send me your Goliath and I'll parade its head JUST like David did. 


Try to convince me that my God doesn't want me, and I'll show you the remains of a veil that was split right down the middle when he hung is head on that rugged cross. 


I'll show you the wounds on his hands that contain every ounce of healing I'll ever need. I'll show you the scars on his back that I deserved. 


His name is Jesus, the risen saviour the perfect one. Matchless, majestic worthy to be praised. He's beautiful, he's the holy one. And he's the only one you're ever going to need.


He is worthy, and I'll spend the rest of my life telling everyone who has ears how he saved me. 


Then will sing my soul in the victory, my soul will sing in defeat. In pain there will still be a song, I'll find a lyric when I'm healed. I'll sing of his love for as long as I'm breathing. 


I'm never going to get it right, but thanks to a life that was obedient up to death I won't ever have to.






Happy Easter from Agape Generation x


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© 2019 by Deborah Newbould for Agape Generation UK.